"Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained."

Dear Diary,

So why am I so flabbergasted? And what is my motivation? Let's start with the motivation...

This week, it's no secret, is the Traverse City Film Festival. In the past we have had to wear khaki-ish colored bottoms (this year, now I'm starting to wonder). So Rockstar and I went to Gap to get me a pair of pants or capris to wear. I took 3 or 4 pairs back and nothing fit. We went to Old Navy, I took 2 back and 1 was tolerable. (secret motivation 1)

Again, nothing that is a secret, I became engaged to Rockstar in February. The wedding isn't until August of 2011, but that means lose weight for the dress. Now the style that I'm envisioning is quite forgiving, but still this will also be the first time I meet his parents, so I would like to look a little better than that. (secret motivation 2)

I have watched my body change since I started dating Rockstar. I don't like the change that I've been watching happen. (Yep, I acknowledge that I knew it was happening and didn't do anything about it.) I've always been very curvy, but now I'm not sure which fruit I'm turning into... apple or pear. I know that neither is ideal. I have lost a lot of motivation, energy, and drive. I don't like the person that I've turned into... which also adds in a bit of depression. (secret motivation 3)

Rockstar is a bit of a Sporty Spice. I'm nowhere close and a lot of it is because of self-consciousness and being heavier. I am hoping that I would do a few more things with him if I lose some of the weight. (secret motivation 4)

There are many other little reasons, but all of the little reasons have added up and I decided to start doing something about it. On Monday, I stepped on to the scale and saw THE number... and FLABBERGASTED!!! I knew I gained weight, but wow... about 40 pounds.

So here's the plan, you may or may not agree with it, but all that matters is if it works. YEARS ago I hit a different magic number and decided to change. I counted calories and payed attention to portion sizes. Since this weight has come on for a few other reasons, I need to changed these habits first.

Here we go:
1. Starting slow... changing a few things at a time.
2. No beer or alcohol in the house (or going out for it) during the week. Save it for the weekend. (Rockstar is being very supportive of this and joining me in this task.)
3. Start walking again. (I used to be great about walking every day starting in the Spring going throw the Fall.)
(Next week)
4. Add in pilates time. (I have a couple of good DVDs that hit the spots that I need and is not too hard on the body.)
(Eventually, when I'm feeling a little more confident... may be next Spring)
Start using the 'Couch to 5K' app on the iPod Touch.

I'll keep adding in little things as I go. Already today on day 4 of walking, I noticed my walk is getting easier. We have a great 2 mile trail near by that was walking every day 2 summers ago. I'll get there again.